The Vow

The room was dark. The blinds were down. There was no source of light except a small lamp. At first glance, anybody would miss him sitting in the chair. But anybody who wished to find him would know where to look.  He looked at the newspaper in his hand, trying to read his interview in the paper. A few years back he would have felt proud, and thrown a party to celebrate it, but things had changed.  He had done a phenomenal job of curing cancer, a boon for millions of people. All major weekly newspapers had covered him on the front page, and there had been a call from the prime minister’s office as well. He folded the newspaper and kept it on the desk. And then he glanced at the picture at the corner of the table, and did something which he had not done for the past 2 years. He looked at her, really looked at her. Her eyes, so warm, so beautiful, her nose, her loosely tied hair, and her smile. It was rare to capture her in a smile. He brought the photograph near his face, and remembered her sweet voice, and let the tears flow....let the memories pierce his heart....and remembered her, the little happy time he had with her...two years seemed a long way back...

Two years Ago

It was a Sunday and his off day. But due to some moron in the radiology department he had to fill in. As he went by, doing the routines, he came to her room. He entered, and was surprised to find the bed empty. He looked around and spotted her standing near a window. She looked frail, and he was about to call her, when she turned.

Knocked Over.

That was how he would define his state. She was the most beautiful girl he had ever looked at. Her brown eyes were warm and appeared friendly. He knew that at that precise moment his heart was beating faster, supplying more blood to his body, and quickening his pulse. What a sad thing to be a doctor, he thought to himself. Here I am standing before “the” girl and am thinking about blood pressure, and science.

He steadied himself, and announced his name loudly. She merely looked at him and said nothing.
“Well, am here for your checkup”, he added a little too subtly, and led her to the bed. He checked her pulse, the mere thought of touching her quickening his pulse. He forced himself to focus, and noted down the required information. He kept looking at her, and when after a few minutes later he left, he was sure she had an idea about his inner thoughts. He kept thinking about her, her eyes, and though she hadn’t said anything he felt as if he had been listening to her voice since ages, as if he had been loving her way before he saw her today, as if he had known all along that he would meet her that day.

Next day he called the nurse to his office and enquired about the girl. What the nurse told him felt like millions of knives cutting his heart. She had cancer, and he marvelled at his own stupidity. Of course, she was under the radiology department. But his hopes soared again when he thought about various types of cancers, and their cures. After completing his rounds, he decided to see her. All through the day he had thought of various cancers and compared the symptoms to her vitals. He just hoped to god that hers would be in the list of curable cancers.

“Why are you here, the doctor has been here just moments before”, she said glaring at him.

He was taken aback, but said “Why, cant I come to meet you?”. He knew such haste would be stupidity, but it was impossible to stop himself now.

“You shouldn’t be here”, she said her tone a tad bit warmer.

“Why, may I ask?”, he asked amusingly.

He sensed her momentary hesitation.

“Because...because you are not my assigned doctor”, and the moment she said that she knew it was a bad excuse.

He smiled at her knowingly, and thus began their daily visits.

As days passed, her condition deteriorated. He often thought to himself, that when a person you love is about to die, you will stick through because you love that person. But is it possible that you know the person is about to die and you still continue to fall in love with him every day, every second, and every breath. Every second brought death closer to her, and every second he found himself ready to die for her.

“You know, the whole hospital knows about us”, she said when he went to see her one day.

“And what do they know?”, he said sitting beside her on the bed taking her hand.

“That you keep on visiting me”, she said breathlessly as he was tracing little circles on her hand.

“Why are you doing this?”, she said snatching away her hand. He could see pain in her eyes.

“What happened?”, he asked and knew the answer he had been listening to since the past few days.

“You know am about to die! Why are you attaching yourself to me, why are you attaching yourself to pain? You’ll get only tears and pain! Go away! Just go away!”, she shouted looking away, hiding herself.

I took her hand, and brought it closer to my lips.

“I don’t want you to cry...I want you to be happy. I know it’s going to end soon, and till that time I want to see you happy. I thought this is what we both wanted. If you don’t want this I’ll leave, and you’ll never see me again.” He stood up but she held his hand, and through her tears he knew all those unsaid words between them. He hugged her, and she hugged him back.

“I love..” but before he could complete, she stopped him with her hand, and said “ Don’t say that please. As much as I want to be with you, I want to see you happy. The more you’ll be with me, the more you’ll love me, and the more it will be painful for you. To see you happy after I go, am willing to be unhappy right now, even though these are my last days”, she cried harder while hugging him.

He was overthrown with love at her selflessness.

He took her face in his hands, and whispered to her, “You want to see me happy, but my happiness is with you. When am with you, it makes me happy. The whole day the only thing which drives me is just seeing you once in a day. And it’s worth it. I am going to stay with you, even if you want or not. And I know this is what you want. And am not thinking about my pain anymore, it’s you who matters to me. Whatever small is the time, am going to be with you”.

He got a call from the nurse station informing him about her condition.

He rushed towards the ICU where she was being shifted. He hadn’t imagined that the day which had been lurking nearby would spring at them so soon. In the last few days he had got what he always wanted, and loved her despite knowing she was about to die. But the power of love can be immense. It can give you strength unknown even to yourself.

Her eyes were waiting for him. He rushed to her, while her doctor told him about the cardiac arrest and commonality of such symptoms. He looked at him meaning to ask the fundamental question, and the doctor shook his head. He patted his shoulder, and went way.

Even with death lurking nearby, he had never planned this moment. What he would say, what he would do..he had always pushed it back. But now confronted with the moment, he was at loss of words.

She looked up at him, and he murmured that everything would be all right. Tears rolled from her eyes, thinking of leaving him. There was nothing she could do about it. Even after knowing about her, he had loved her, and loved her truly. She wished she could stay longer with him, but the truth and death were both lurking nearby.

She raised her head trying to sit up, and removed the oxygen mask. He tried to stop her but her looks silenced him.

“Make me yours. I want to go from this world being yours. Life hasn’t considered me lucky enough to do this happily, but would you...”, she said raising her eyes expectantly.

He hugged her again, thinking about the little time they had spent together. They both new that the future they had dreamt of was impossible, but they had fallen in love so madly, that everything seemed possible. Funny how love and hope are correlated.

That night was the last night they had spent together. He kept rubbing her hair and kissing her head to comfort her, whereas he himself wanted to be comforted. The whole night the silence between them was filled with the unspoken love and promises.

The next day brought with it a sad world. A sad life with absence of love it in. It was empty as was his heart.

“Don’t go please, I would always keep you happy”, was all he kept murmuring. Because he had lost his love and life both. With it went hope.

For two years he didn’t let emotions surpass him and he worked hard to discover the cure of cancer thinking that someday somebody would not be helplessly crying and murmuring to his dying loved one.

And now when his vow to himself was complete, he cried, cried for the first time in two years, clutching her close to her heart, where she would always be.